The cravings are NEVER gone for good!
Read my subject line, y'all. This is a lesson I have had to learn over and over and OVER again throughout my quit. Y'all might remember me from a few weeks back, wherein I complained about fighting cravings I thought I shouldn't be experiencing. I was WRONG!!! This doesn't just apply to cigarettes; what I'm saying to you applies to every addiction humans have ever tried to overcome.
In the early days of your quit (or your sobriety or your "clean" state, whatever), you think your cravings are going to kill you. But you stick it out, you hang onto the knowledge that quitting will be the best thing for you and that continuing the habit is what will really kill you. The slightest excuse or personal setback will tempt you to weaken and give in, but you hang in there because you tell yourself it just HAS to get better.
And it does get better. It gets so much better (at least in my case) that the horrible days in the beginning are but a dim memory. So that when six months or a year or eighteen months go by and suddenly you are hit with a craving, you are completely unprepared. I didn't see it coming and I shudder to think how close I came to throwing it all away.
So this is what I'm going to try to remember while I'm feeling strong and the cravings have abated: there will ALWAYS be cravings. The key is to remember that they WILL come so that when they do, you won't be blindsided as I was. Have a plan... be ready for the inevitable and most of all, remind yourself that you've come an awfully long way to just throw it away.
AND ANOTHER THING: You newbies should not be concerned that Old Fogies are still struggling. The cravings we experience are NOTHING compared to the ones you are striving to conquer today. Please remember this. It's hard enough dealing with our own disappointment at experiencing these cravings; it's even more difficult to seek the help we need if we fear discouraging those with brand-new quits. Remember that our struggle is probably easier than your own. It's just that we sometimes forget how to handle cravings because we don't get as much practice as we did in the beginning.
Do you expect to reach a point in your quit where you'll never experience another craving? There's no such place. I don't remember who said it but I think it applies: "Expect the worst. If it happens, you will be prepared and can handle it. If it doesn't happen, you'll be pleasantly surprised."
Be well, y'all. And be strong. Big hugs to everyone!
Sharon in TN
1yr 7mo 12dy
I was a total chain smoker. I associated EVERYTHING with smoking. To quit, I went on the patch (somedays patches!) and did it when I was going out of town to visit my family for a wedding. It was the first visit to my parents' house where I wasn't sneaking off to smoke since I was in high school.
I wish I could say I never think of smoking, but I do, but the feeling always passes. I don't think I could ever pick up one again without being back where I was.
My life has changed - not totally, but my health is so much better. Before I could barely get up the steps in the subway without feeling out of breath. At the end of October, I did a 60 mile walk for breast cancer, which would have been unthinkable when I was smoking. I did gain weight, but I don't care. (altho I spent the first year eating peanut butter cups instead of smoking, which might have helped with that). I was a vegetarian before, but now have become vegan and am looking forward to another year of doing active healthy things that were totally alien to me when I was smoking.
I really have only been posting here on the anniversary of quitting smoking, but I will always remember that this board was a lifesaver and I'm not sure I could have quit without it. I will always remember that after I quit, a friend said to her smoking friend in front OF me, 'you should quit, if Kendra can quit, anyone can' It's true! I was a walking (or sitting) smoke bomb. Sometimes my apartment was so full of smoke, you could see it sitting in the air.
I'm not so great at offering encouragement, but while quitting was really difficult and I was crazy about during it, even with the patches, I wouldn't want to go back at all.
I'm so happy that my anniversary of quitting is on Thanksgiving this year, and send good wishes to all of you. Thanks so much for helping me quit!
kendra.e
kendra hasn't smoked for:
1096 days, 1 hrs, and 38 min.
Cigarettes not smoked: 32,883
Money saved: 5836.73
Life saved: 114 days, 4 hrs, and 15 min.
No long rambles... no sage advice... that will come as needed.
But I love you all!
One year, 2 minutes and 56 seconds. 13505 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,715.14. Life saved: 6 weeks, 4 days, 21 hours, 25 minutes.
Thank you Blairsville, I love this board and everyone on it couldn't do it without you.....................
TO MY BESTEST BUDDY...I WILL BE HERE TOMORROW WITH BELLS ON WHAT A WONDERFUL FEELING so proud to share it with you thank you for all your support and love and those beautiful graphics....love you my sweet and encouraging bestest buddy.........how you have been there for me....thank you.....((((((((((((((((Tom))))))))))))))))))
Rita ..... we celebrate tomorrow....what a wonderful feeling...... My mentors, Benita and Georgia.....wow what an example My special Angels, (so many, I love you all) My special guys... Charlie, GeorgeF, Will.........love you do it for me......k?,........ To everyone....everyone ..... thank you thank you thank you for your support... I AM ONE HAPPY QUITTER TONIGHT...... THANK YOU GOD .... ONE YEAR... THANK YOU MIKEY FOR TELLING ME "SMOKING IS NOT AN OPTION" I LOVE THIS BOARD AND EVERYONE ON IT... NEWBIES THIS IS A HIGH YOU WILL NEVER FORGET....YOU CAN DO IT...I KNOW YOU CAN.....I PROMISE TO BE THERE FOR YOU AS YOU HAVE BEEN FOR ME
The following was posted by Sweet Jonie on 02/23/2000, and I just had to add it because it is so relevant!! (Tommyboy)
have you ever just sat and watched a little one just beginning to walk and talk struggle to master those most difficult tasks... sure they fall and sometimes the even get a boo boo and they cry but not for long .. they are right back to the job at hand ... conquering the next step in life whether it be pulling up to a stand, balancing once their up there, taking their first step while holding on, finally letting go, balancing again, then the step...oops maybe a little fall there, but right back up again with a new committment! Oh yes to have that perseverence and sense of doability ... not even a consideration of giving up and sitting or laying on the floor for the rest of their days... I challange you to just sit still and watch a child... what a revelation...
The following was posted by Jonie on Sept. 18, 2001 a week after the cowardly attack on U.S. citizens by agents of satan (who will be joining their leader in hell shortly)
September 18, 2001
Haven't been here in a long while... so happy to see all of you holding on to your quits... that is wonderful... Anyone seen my BQB Tommyboy lately?
My daughter sent me a "Suess message to the terrorits" that caused such horrible grief and destruction last week. I realize this is light in the midst of heaviness but I am sharing it with the hope that it reinforces your hope as it did mine!
Every U down in Uville liked U.S. a lot,
But the Binch, who lived Far East of Uville, did not.
The Binch hated U.S! the whole U.S. way!
Now don't ask me why, for nobody can say,
It could be his turban was screwed on too tight.
Or the sun from the desert had beaten too bright
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
But, Whatever the reason, his heart or his turban,
He stood facing Uville, the part that was urban.
"They're doing their business," he snarled from his perch.
"They're raising their families! They're going to church!
They're leading the world, and their empire is thriving,
I MUST keep the S's and U's from surviving!"
Tomorrow, he knew, all the U's and the S's,
Would put on their pants and their shirts and their dresses,
They'd go to their offices, playgrounds and schools,
and abide by their U and S values and rules,
And then they'd do something he liked least of all,
Every U down in U-ville, the tall and the small,
Would stand all united, each U and each S,
And they'd sing Uville's anthem, "God bless us! God bless!"
All around their Twin Towers of Uville, they'd stand,
and their voices would drown every sound in the land.
"I must stop that singing," Binch said with a smirk,
And he had an idea--an idea that might work!
The Binch stole some U airplanes in U morning hours,
And crashed them right into the Uville Twin Towers.
"They'll wake to disaster!" he snickered, so sour,
"And how can they sing when they can't find a tower?"
The Binch cocked his ear as they woke from their sleeping,
All set to enjoy their U-wailing and weeping,
Instead he heard something that started quite low,
And it built up quite slow, but it started to grow--
And the Binch heard the most unpredictable thing...
And he couldn't believe it--they started to sing!
He stared down at U-ville, not trusting his eyes,
What he saw was a shocking, disgusting surprise!
Every U down in U-ville, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any towers at all!
He HADN'T stopped U-Ville from singing! It sung!
For down deep in the hearts of the old and the young,
Those Twin Towers were standing, called Hope and called Pride,
And you can't smash the towers we hold deep inside.
So we circle the sites where our heroes did fall,
With a hand in each hand of the tall and the small,
And we mourn for our losses while knowing we'll cope,
For we still have inside that U-Pride and U-Hope.
For America means a bit more than tall towers,
It means more than wealth or political powers,
It's more than our enemies ever could guess,
So may God bless America! Bless us! God bless!
My prayers go forward for comfort and peace in these trying times...
and there is no way I can sign off without my stats....
Two years, nine months, two weeks, five days, 15 hours, 22 minutes and 10 seconds. 37874 cigarettes not smoked, saving $4,809.89. Life saved: 18 weeks, 5 days, 12 hours, 10 minutes.
I could not have done it without Blairsville....so keep those quits and quitmeters running.... love from Jonie
I estimate that an average of 35 cigarettes each and every day of my practice would come close (may have been even higher) I also attempted several times to quit and once actually managed to stay smoke-free for 3 1/2 WEEKS!! and the rest of my attempts were utter failures. I found myself having coughing spells on a daily basis that usually ended in my being able to breathe again after lack of oxygen caused me to pass out, and my body would relax enough to be able to draw another breath.
I saw an advertisement for the Zyban and came to this forum to find the particulars about it. My first post brought a half dozen replies within an hour and I haven't left this place for very long since!!
I used Wellbutrin SR (exact same as Zyban except my prescription plan covers Wellbutrin and not Zyban)
I used Nicoderm CQ in conjunction with the Wellbutrin, and followed the instructions to the letter!!!
I PRAYED, I CRIED, I GOT EXTREMELY ANGRY, I GOT EXTREMELY DEPRESSED, AND EVEN GOT EXTREMELY SPACED OUT!! I just would come home to this HAVEN called BLAIRSVILLE, and post my problems and accomplishments and receive the support necessary to STAY QUIT!!! Bragging helps tremendously, and it is FUN :-)
My advise is to ask questions, and pay attention to the answers as they WILL help you overcome your addiction. A lot of us "Old Fogeys" are still here and we found out that another secret to keeping our quits is to help as many people who are struggling as possible!!
Wishing all of BLAIRSVILLE SUCCESS, HAPPINESS AND GOOD HEALTH!!!
Some thoughts on the occasion of my attaining "Old Fogey4"
I have just finished reading the wonderful tribute the "citizens" of Blairsville has written for me, and I am deeply touched.
To think that my efforts have possibly helped even one other person in their quest to overcome this terrible addiction we are afflicted with would be enough to make me happy.
To read testimony that I have indeed helped so many others is beyond my wildest expectations!!
Words to express my feelings towards this amazing group of friends are very elusive as I sit here trying to write through the haze of tears of joy I am experiencing. I pray that "THANK YOU" is acceptable.
I seem to recall having pinched the symbols of my adulthood from one of my parents? pack of smokes, after which a friend and I hid in an abandoned derelict house to do the dastardly deed. Soon after that I was with some other friends ? ones that I particularly wanted to think I was cool and fit right in with them. The one who was the leader, more or less, told me that I?d have to inhale or it wasn?t really smoking. It didn?t count. She took a deep drag and demonstrated. I took a deep drag, went green at the gills and choked. They all laughed, and the heat of a blush that started in my toes gradually reached my neck, ears and face. After that I was determined to learn how to smoke, and learn I did.
It was after high school that smoking became a daily accompaniment to every activity in my life. Until then, smoking was on a catch-as-catch-can basis. It was a significant part of my life, but I didn?t have the money or the time to indulge my habit. Once I had my ?own? money and the beginnings of an independent life, it seemed only natural to incorporate smoking with all my activities. Everybody did it. I remember that the anchor man on the TV even smoked while he delivered the news!
Yet part of me knew that smoking was not good for me. I thought I might quit ?some day?, but my first attempt did not come until I was married and at the suggestion of my husband. He succeeded and is a non-smoker to this day. I ?tried?. Yet every smoker who came to our home was not a visitor to me, but rather an opportunity to bum a smoke. I learned in some deep recess of my soul that I was an addict but carefully hid that fact from my conscious mind. Instead I ?rational ?lies?d? that I wasn?t ready to quit and continued to smoke.
There were perhaps two other attempts of any significance in my quitting career. Unlike many smokers who quit hundreds of times, I had a very active denial system in place. Each of my few attempts taught me that I was truly addicted. But instead of admitting this ? which seemed a terrible blow to my pride ? I imagined that I could really quit if I wanted to. I just didn?t want to yet! One of these attempts was shortly after my first marriage failed and I was going back to university to make a new life for myself. Something inside me knew that I wanted non-smoking to be a part of this new life. But the first essay due did me in. I did not see how I could string words together in any coherent, let alone in academically acceptable fashion, without the aid of my old pal, nicotine. This was after three months quit.
The only other semi-serious attempt was a few years later at the urging of my good friends in the Health Promotion Department of our provincial government. I wrote all the Health Minister?s speeches about the importance of lifestyle choices in relation to health ? especially quitting smoking - all with a cigarette dangling from the corner of my mouth! The irony did not offend me. In those days, it merely struck me as one of life?s imponderables. Part of me obviously knew I was an addict, but the other parts weren?t paying attention. They could not afford to or quitting smoking would have to be added to my active agenda.
Smoking was my constant companion, a friend in need and in times of celebration. I see now that I am not unique in this. But while I was a smoker, I thought I was utterly unique. No one but me had such a demanding lifestyle. No one but me had so many troubles on their plate, so many demands on their time and energy. No one but me had so little to fall back on for comfort and aid through all of life?s difficult times. No one but me had suffered so much and done so little to deserve the turns of fate that seemed to be my lot. I felt truly alone in the world, that no one cared and all I had to fall back on was the cigarette for solace.
The details on which my self-pity was based are not important. I wouldn?t mind sharing those details. Yet now they seem so unimportant as a cause of my unhappiness. Rather I see them as an effect of the choices I had made. They were consequences rather than causes. Still I clung to them as the reason for my inability to give up nicotine and a number of bad emotional habits that seem to go hand in hand with this addiction.
Who would have thought that such a person could be graced with the desire to quit smoking? I truly believed at some level that I could not and did not want to quit. At another level ? the one close to the surface of consciousness ? I pretended that I did not want to quit ?right now? but would get around to it on that famous day of the week, Someday. My Higher Power led me gradually to a glimmer of hope, first about life in general through GamAnon. - a 12 Step program for the spouses, family and friends of gamblers (my second husband?s problem) - and later through Nicotine Anonymous. To this day, I cannot tell you exactly what went through my mind that led me to attend my first NA meeting.
Once I did admit a desire to quit smoking, my pride was truly offended that I could not vanquish this habit from my life easily or quickly! In a nine-month period, from February to November last year, I made up in one fell swoop for all the years of not attempting to quit. How many times did I quit last year? I lost count. I don?t know what gave me the nerve to keep going back to NA and confess that yet again I?d ?caved? to my cravings and taken up smoking again. I got nothing but love and acceptance in those meetings. Obviously, my friends were not happy that I?d slipped on those occasions, but they kept reminding me that nicotine use is an addiction. I was an addict, and I was certainly behaving like one!
I told people at my NA meeting last week that I wish I could bottle what I finally managed to distill for myself through those 10 months of humility-engendering, so-called ?failures?. Surrender is a very difficult concept to put into words. A year ago tonight almost to the miniute, I had reached surrender. I knew that I was utterly addicted to nicotine, that I could not quit on my own power and I needed help. I prayed. I told something greater than myself, about whose existence I have many doubts since I am extremely weak in faith and very strong in pride and self-will: ?I will do the best I can. The rest is up to You.?
Here I am, one year later, still learning to trust that which has given me my life not just once, at birth, but a second time with the joy of freedom from nicotine addiction. How do I stay quit? Without my Nicotine Anonymous meetings and Blairsville, I could not do it. I need you people to remind me of what I?m grateful for ? both the tangibles and the intangibles. You help me to remember on a daily basis all the things that I would lose, were I to take up smoking again. I don?t really think I?d do it. I can?t imagine anything coming along that would ?cause? me to reach for a cigarette. But I know that as an addict, I?m always just one cigarette away from having all that misery back again. You help me to remember that ?one is too many and a thousand will never be enough?. Thank you, Blairsville, and thanks also to everyone in the NA fellowship around the world.
I have my life back now ? a second chance to live with dignity and joy and fulfill my destiny. I have gained so much in this first year that it is truly unbelievable. Yet those who are further along on the path than I am tell me that it gets better still. I can hardly wait! Absolutely nothing on God?s green earth is going to rob me of that possibility. You mean I get more than my health back? More quality as well as quantity of life, etc.?
That etc. covers a lot of territory. Someone posted a Benefits Parade a few weeks back in Blairsville. I don?t remember if I posted in reply. My problem was trying to identify a single benefit that stands above the rest. There are too many! And they just keep coming. Is self-esteem worth it for you? Would I have believed that quitting smoking (such a silly, minor little habit!) could have this much effect? Can you who are close to the beginning of this journey really believe or even understand how much I have learned to like and even love myself in this past year? Do you know what self-hatred is? Do you feel it when you look in the mirror sometimes? It?s tricky. Sometimes it feels like hatred for the world, because it?s too painful to feel how it?s also directed at one?s very core. This will go once you learn to accept your addiction and let it teach you what you need to learn. There are many paths to enlightenment. This just happened to be mine.
The first year of my quit was dedicated, I see now, to me. For the first time in my life, I allowed myself to believe that something good could happen to me ? something so HUGE that it seemed impossible. For someone who had survived by controlling, surrendering and letting go in this way did not come easily. I recommend it to you. It gives ?Something? the space in which to work miracles. The second year is dedicated to our beloved newbies and to those who have quit but still feel enslaved. I want you to know that no matter how good it gets, the best is yet to come. This is the path to freedom. Join us. You?ll be glad you did.