In the beginning this was sooooo hard. Wanting a cigarette *all* the time, and choosing not to smoke...Realizing that I was going to have to face life and my emotions without a halo of smoke over my head....It felt naked and scary...Hanging in there with the help of my great friends here at Blairsville that are always willing to help me over the rought spots...Watching it slowly get better, day by day. Now it is soooo wonderful. I don't have to arrange my life anymore around cigarettes or smoking...I don't jiggle in long meetings, and I don't miss whole chunks of movies.

You newbies hang in there, cause if I can quit, anybody can. I was genuinely hooked on cigarettes and sometimes I even chain smoked. I smoked for 18 years before coming to my senses and finding this wonderful, magical place where miracles happen everyday. Thanks to all my angels--you know who you are...may you always live in happiness and peace...

If you’d told me on May 13th of 99, that a year and two days later I’d be celebrating life as a non-smoker for an entire year, I would have laughed at you. You see, during the first week of May, I had endured four miserable days of Hell Week’s worst and I was a total wreck. It was then and there, after at least a dozen previous serious attempts, that I threw in the towel and resigned myself to an early grave. My decision was final - I’d never again intentionally inflict such pain upon myself.

An addict since the summer of 1970, when as 15 year old boy I was alone in his room with no one to impress, when Nicodemon first commanded me to find and smoke a cigarette. I didn’t have to go far as my mother was a heavy smoker, she kept her cartoons in the freezer, and aside from becoming an addict, I’ll never forget that then and there I also became a thief.

Her name was Kimberly. She was 15 and beautiful, she smoked and I wanted her to like me. It only took me couching my way through about five of her Kools before I needed and wanted my own. From blowing the smoke of that first stolen cigarette out of my bedroom window, until May of last year, my nicotine needs slowly grew from one a day, to 50 to 60 a day over the next 30 years.

I’d been on-line for almost 2 years but I’d never ever once thought about using a search engine to see what smoking materials were out there. I’m still not sure why I did it, but on May 13th I typed in two simple words - "quit smoking" - and then pushed enter. "Wow," I thought to myself, "look at all these links." One in particular caught my eye. The summary said it was an on line support group called quitsmokingsupport.com. I clicked it and then sat for hours at a bulletin board, almost in a trance, as I watch smokers teaching, supporting and encouraging each other to continue their struggles for freedom. It was beautiful. I was genuinely impressed that they would do this for each other, but I knew in my heart that I was to weak to win such a war.

It was then, with a lump in my throat and unsure fingers, that I mustered the courage to post. After fumbling around a few minutes, I figured out how to make my words appear on their board. My post was short and simple (hard to believe, eh?) and went something like this, "What you are doing here for each other is wonderful. But, I’m afraid that after smoking for almost 30 years and being up to almost 3 packs a day, and trying to quit and failing so so many times, that I’ve resigned to the fact that I shall die a smoker. Keep up the wonderful work, Zep." What happened next changed my life forever.

It was 3 or 4 wonderful reply posts and one e-mail, all telling me I could make it, and encouraging me to stay, watch and learn, that changed my life forever. Bob, Paul, Joanne, Hez and others gave of their time to invite this stranger into their support group - and I did! They knew what I was going through and they held my hand and led the way. With tremendous encouragement and an education in my addiction, slowly, the hours turned to days, the days to weeks, and the weeks to months. Now, a year and hundreds of posts later, as a free man, I own so much to so many.

So what have I gained (aside from about 10 lbs?), was it worth it, and how has life changed? So many times during the quitting process the benefits were not visible to my senses. The going was slow and at times it was frustrating. But inside this body and within this spirit, like the slow growth of a tomato plant started from seed, it was happening. I soon grew stronger than my challenger, Ole Nic. My chronic cough and constant need to clear my throat disappeared. The volume was turned down on my deafening snore, my breathing slowly grew deeper and I found myself doing wind sprints for the first time since my teens (often out-running my dog). But best of all I regained control of my life, I called the shots, and my confidence, belief and appreciation of myself slowly grew. For the first time since my teens, I found myself liking me. I had changed a part of my life that I had grown to hate and lost respect was now returning.

Today, a year later, I’m free. I know that doesn’t mean that full relapse isn’t just a puff away. But it does mean that my days are longer, hopefully my life will be longer, I’m in charge, and all that remains is learning to live life as a non-smoker - to try new things, to challenge this body and to more fully enjoy the seasons, life’s beauty and my family. On this wonderful day I send sincere thanks to Blair, Blairsville, Bob, Paul, Joanne, Char, Wayne, Hez, Tami, Jonie, all of Freedom’s Family and the hundreds of others who supported me along the way. I also must send a heavenly thanks to Brian Lee Curtis, deceased, for challenging me to continue the battle to change my life before it was too late. Thank you all for the wonderful gift you continue to give, to me and to each other.

Breathe deep, hug hard, live long

When she was about to quit, my mom told me that what I was about to see was what she had seen Cocaine addicts go through in the hospitals where she had worked ..I didn't really know what she meant, but by hearing her yell, watching her get angry, seeing her shake, sweat, cry, not sleep, and fight her nicotine addiction..I realized that smoking is a terrible thing to start, and I never will. It was hard for me at first but we have made it..Now she has lots of energy, no more coughing and wheezing, she doesn't stink like old tennis shoes, she laughs more, we hike a lot, I can kiss her now and she doesn't have dragon breath, and I can ride in the car with her. It is wonderful!!

In our D.A.R.E.(Drugs Abuse Resistance Education) class I proudly showed her off in front of my 5th grade class as an addict who had overcome her smoking addiction, and why not to start smoking..I am so proud of her ..I want to thank all of you at Blairsville for helping my Mom stop smoking, I'm glad she'll be around for me as I grow up.. Love, Amanda