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Reserved for Mike R
"Old Fogey4"
(quit smoking 10/18/99)
Curdy
"Old Fogey4"
(Quit smoking 11/8/99)
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November 8th, 1999 at 9:59 am I puffed on my last cig before going into my cessation counselors office, a prerequisite to get a month worth of Zyban free. I did not think that I would last 3 months, much less a year without so much as a puff of anything. hell, my 3 month anniversary gift to myself was gonna be a cigar for doing so well, of course I changed that to 1 year after I hit the 3 months.
I smoked for about 14 years and had no negative effects of smoking apparent to me. No coughing, no wheezing, no nothing. But my wonderful wife was allergic to the smoke and we wanted to start a family. So I decided after 2 other failed attempts of 22 days and a little under 4 days,that I would give it a serious try. I went on Zyban, went to a cessation counselor about 12 times in 3 months and came back to Blairsville after leaving here abruptly on day 23 of my other quit.
If you asked me what the worst symptom of quitting was for me, it would be simple to explain. Anger...anger that I could not smoke any more, anger, anger anger. I'm Irish, it's normal.
Blairsville is more than an online support group, it is Blair's adopted family of ex-smokers who visit each other daily.
I adopted a saying when I quit. Fighting the urge every day. This was more true than I would come to realize because to this day, I still get cravings at least once a day. Now they are like the cravings one would get for a fine wine or death by chocolate cheese cake, you acknowledge it and move on without a second thought. A far cry from my manic tirades during the first 3 months.
The road to get here has been tough and I am still not comfortable enough with my quit to let my guard down. I wouldn't have believed the words typed out by my fellow quitters on the wagon much longer than I was. Words like, 'Smoking is not an Option', 'take it one step at a time', and although said by many in many different ways I was assured I was not alone nor the first person ever to go through what I was going through.
I am not sure when I crossed over from needing hourly reassurance that I would make it through this horrible addiction to when I needed only daily reassurance, to weekly and someday only needing to stop by once a month to see that I am not alone in my fight.
But there is a secret I must tell, the reason I do not know when these changes occured is because somewhere along the line the people in Blairsville became more than typed words on a screen into full fledged online friends. Online friends only because most live so far away, Texas and even Canada. Even those that live in the same state as me are only online friends just because of time constraints for me. And I do not want to get to a point where I do not want to come here.
Sure, I may be super busy and unable to make the daily visits I would like to, but every time I get that slight craving I am back here. Down at the campfire, snuggled in my sleeping bag with my nicodemon whacker close at hand. And when I feel a special feeling about being smoke free I always have that wonderful cake from the Blairsville baker to remember...Mmmmmm pink icing.
So I now have new friends, some of which I would do anything for. Seems kinda wierd for people I have never seen in person. To some it might, but the way some of the people have touched my life goes beyond the need for a face to face meeting to validate how wonderful they are.
Some people, including myself, counted smoking as a friend. A friend that was there for me whenever I needed it. A friend that took up those awkward moments in time. A friend that actually made me feel good.
But now I have my friends at Blairsville. And I know that these new friends will not drain my wallet each week to make me pay to have them as friends. They will not make me caugh up chunks of black stuff when I get a cold. They will not cause me to die a slow and tourturous death before my time.
I would love to pick out a few people who have helped me through my quit but each and every person who ever responded to one of my posts for help, or responded to anothers post for help and even those that responded to the campfire messages I would do so long ago...I thank you all for my quit. There are a few that have gone that extra mile to help me and you know who you are and know I will always have a special place in my heart for you.
But there is one that went throught more of my mania than any others. One that took me by the hand and led me down the path of the exsmoker. One that talked me off that cliff more than once. (((((Sherry))))), you do not know what you have done for me. It goes beyond just allowing me to maintain a smoke free life.
So for anyone just starting out, stay close to the board. Even if you think it is not right for you. Stay for a while and let us grow on you. I promise you, you will always have someone ready to answer the call for help. They will also be there to share in the good times as well. The names may change from time to time but the attitude is always the same, to help others fight the good fight.
BTW, I changed that 1 year cigar reward. I decided that I can have it at my funeral.
LYMI, Curdy...Old Fogey Still Fighting The Urge Every Day
1 YEAR quit
I prayed daily for a few months prior to quitting asking for the willingness to quit. Without going into a lot of details God showed his presence in my life culminating with "The Great American Smokeout". I remember thinking "O.K., O.K. I hear you. I asked for your help and your are giving it. I guess it's my turn." At 11:48 p.m. (11/17/99) I crushed out my last cigarette - didn't even finish the pack like I planned - and went to sleep. I woke up the next day not full of fear and anxiety like I imagined. I remember thinking "O.K. God it's show time - you and me" every morning since then I thanked "him" for the previous smoke free day and asked "him" to keep me smoke free this day. Incidentally I do not consider myself "religious" just a "goof" trying to lead a spiritual life - heck I don't even go to church regularly. (Don't get me wrong - I'm not implying that I think church or organized religion is bad. I just wanted to clarify my experience. My Aunt used church to help her quit 40 years ago. Whatever works right.)
Some of the "mechanics" of my quit included "the patch", Zyban, candy, sugarless gum, soda straws and carrots. All of these proved helpful to me early on in my quit. The soda straws were great to wean me off the smokes the first few weeks - I cut them in half and "puffed" on them like a cig in my car, office, etc. Most all of these aids were used until no longer needed.
I enjoy physical activity in the form of workouts and Ice hockey many times a week and love the results. I always wanted to return to playing hockey and at 37 I got the chance to fulfill that dream. This was due to quitting.
Being an old "toss pot" and a member of a 12 step program that deals with that addiction, I learned that the disease of addiction is rooted deep within us and quitting is just the beginning to recovery. We are never "recovered" but we can live in "recovery". Old ideas need to change. I know that I am powerless over cigarettes and that the emotional as well as physical damage of one puff is more than I want to hurt myself with. It just is not worth it.
I would like to thank all of my fellow travelers notably: Bob, Rita, Pat, Scott, Mark, Charlene, Michael, Tommyboy, Dharma, Donald and all the rest. Your encouragement and good cheer help make a scary trip possible. I do think that I need to give back what was so freely given to me (love, honesty and encouragement). Thanks to all of you "miracles" for your tidings on this day and thank you God for this miracle in my life.
Dan
On November 21 1999 I quit smoking. This quit had been planned for 3 weeks.
I had made the decision to quit only because I was having health problems...I couldn’t breathe. I had been diagnosed a year before my quit with COPD
(Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease). COPD is the “gateway” to emphysema. For that last year and a half I coughed constantly and had difficulty breathing when I would lay down. If I had not had this health
problem I would never have dreamed of quitting.
Some people smoke because it made them look “cool” or because their friends smoked. I smoked because I was defying my upbringing. I smoked out of rebellion, and because of that my smoking became a big part of my personality...who I was.
I planned my quit by reading everything I could about quitting. I looked up websites and was given a tape that comes in the nicodern CQ patches. The weekend before I quit I went out and bought all kinds of things like carrots and celery, lollipops, bottles of water, gum, etc. I made lists of things I thought would be “triggers” that maybe I could alter or avoid for awhile. I was ready. Thank God I had the foresight to prepare. Because when the day came and I slapped on that patch for the first time, I began a 4 month rollercoaster ride that I didn’t think would ever stop.
The first 3 weeks of my quit were pretty hazy. My entire life revolved around getting from one second to the next without a cigarette. It literally
came down to the second. I spent every moment possible in bed when I wasn’t on this computer visiting quit smoking sites. It was the only place I didn’t crave. Wearing the patches had to help with the physical, but the mental cravings were unbearable. I had found “Blairsville”... the quit smoking support bulletin board. I spent a lot of time there, reading what others wrote about quitting...it helped so much to know that I was not alone. There
were some very special people there who really let me cry on their shoulder.
After the first 3 weeks, I began to come out of the fog for brief moments. I was beginning to have periods of time that I was OK. There were so many
triggers out there for me. I remember the first time I tried to cook dinner after quitting. I had reached a certain point in my cooking when everything was simmering. That was when I would run outside and grab a smoke. When it happened and I had no cigarette to smoke, I panicked! I actually started to
hyperventilate. I felt so lost and alone. Everything I did had that type of repercussion with me. I couldn’t clean the house because I would always have
a smoke break after certain activities, I couldn’t drink a glass of wine, I couldn’t , I couldn’t, I couldn’t. I felt awful. Life had become a nightmare for me. Doing even the simplest thing could bring on these smoking panic attacks.
After the 2nd month (and off the patches) I began to have major depression. I have been depressed at different times in my life, but nothing compared to this. I began to feel that I would never be able to be happy again. Cigarettes were such a companion to me that I was actually going through a grieving process. I was so lonely without them. By the 4th month I thought I was gonna lose it. Then I found out that every time you smoked, the nicotine in the cigarette would release “seratonin” into the brain and that would give you that relaxed, high feeling. Well after so many years of smoking and the body relying on the nicotine to do this function, the body didn’t remember how to do it on it’s own. Between the lack of seratonin and the emotional addiction I had, I didn’t stand a chance. It helped knowing that part of this was physical. I wish I had sought the help of a doctor.
During my 4th month I made a very important decision. I told myself that If at the end of one year I still felt as bad as I did at that time, I would go back to smoking. Regardless of my health. At that time I felt I would rather die a horrible death than to go on living in such anguish. By making this decision it gave me a peace of mind to keep trying.
At the beginning of my 5th month, everything changed. All I can say is that I finally began to get over my grief and those chemicals began to kick in on their own. I felt so much better. I began to go days without thinking about a smoke. It was wonderful!! As the months went by it just got better and better. I still have those moments when a cigarette sounds tempting, but they pass so quickly that you’re not sure if you actually had that thought.
My fight to quit smoking will be one of the hardest things I ever do. But that is my story. Everyone is different. I would say the majority of the people out there have an easier time than I did. My own mother who smoked for 42 years quit one month after she saw me quit. To this day, she does not understand what I went through. Her quit was very easy. No major cravings, no triggers. She put on a patch and just quit.
We are all individuals and my hope for all of you is that you have an easy time quitting. But if you don’t, please remember that even those of us who
have the most difficult times eventually do get better. The real trick to quitting??? Time. Time without a smoke. Getting used to life without a
smoke. Doing things over and over, without a smoke. Retraining your thought process to NOT have a smoke. Keeping close to your heart that SMOKING IS NOT
AN OPTION!! Never! There are NO choices. My mantra is and always will be “I’m a puff away from a pack a day”. I recognize that I am an addict and I cannot ever go back, not even for one.
Have a wonderful smokefree life!!
Love & Hugs to you all,
Pam
1 YEAR QUIT