Doris (aka D-alien)

riplets))))) Pat Saeli, Michael, My neighbor Craig, Rob <still waiting for you to come home, ((((((((((Dan)))))))) my muscle man, Webskipper< miss you and hoping to get a flag today, ((((((Nancy-Face)))))), Balto Mike, Wayne and Wayne, ((((Elizabeth my kiwi friend))))))) Tommy-Boy,,For all you do,
 ((((((((( Jonathan, Je t'aime)))))))) (((Helen Melon Felon))) who writes me
 poetry, Sue and Jan, Judy T and Judy Q. The priceless one (((((Rose))))),
 Little Mama (((Nicki))) and especially ((((Blair))))) without him, where
 would we be?
 
 A word to those "Middle-bys" that are traveling behind me. Thank you for
 the inspiration, The prayer, the laughs, and the tears. I might have
 walked this road without you, but you put the joy in my steps.
 ((((Yorkie)))) my sweet QB, friend, and confidante. You are special and
 you are loved. Jerry,,,, (((Texas Jim)))))((((Liz PB))))
 ((((Leanne C))))) What a ride this has been. So glad to do it with you.
 ((((Suz))))) I thank my God on every remembrance of you. Mike, the growth
 and wisdom that I have seen in you is amazing. May I say that your wife
 and children are quite blessed to have you? Cheri so very, very special.
 Where are you? ((((Gord)))))) ((((Julie and Lori)))))))(((((MaryEllen,,, our bride))))) ((((John in New Hampshire)))) ((((Bob Hart)))) <---miss you.
 (((((Dawna,,,,Viper Chicklet))))))
 Rose,Yorkie and Mike Thanks for sharing this day with me. I love the 20th club.
 
 A word to the Newbies. "Just do it." (((((Drinda)))) ((((Sue))))
 A word to the serial quitters. Never, never quit trying. Never quit
 wanting it. I know that I got better and wiser and stronger with every
 attempt.
 
 This got really long and for that I apologize. I guess I did have a bit to
 say, eh? I love you all and please forgive me if I didn't mention you by
 name. I feel blessed today. I feel happy and I really think that I look
 cute on the porch. <snort
 
 
 To be a Fogey
 
 I wanted to be just like you
 To hold my head up high.
 To beat the demon day by day
 And so I continued to try.
 
 I saw you sitting on the porch
 Sipping wine and tea
 And I'd get closer every time
 I could almost hear you calling me.
 
 Was does it take to be like you?
 I'm really not that strong
 Should I just give up, accept the fact?
 But I've wanted this so long.
 
 For to live addicted day by day
 Isn't my idea of living.
 I was filled with doubt and fear,
 And a sad sense of misgiving.
 
 The plans I'd made with my sweet mate
 How could these dreams come true?
 My parents lost their lives too young
 And I feared that I would too.
 
 My children watched me year by year
 Through a cloud of smoke.
 I quit the poison so many times
 That they thought it just a joke.
 
 Well finally there came a day
 October 20th 2003
 I got on my knees and prayed to God
 And started living free.
 
 
 So here I am upon that porch
 And yes, at times it was a trial
 But my dears you best believe
 that it was worth every single mile.
 
 So it seems so hard today,
 I know that life is filled with stress
 "Just Do It" is my answer
 And that's all from Fogey Tess.

Leanne C.
Quit Smoking 11-11-03

When I started writing my ramble, I debated whether to talk about what prompted me to quit (which is a bit of a downer) or whether I should keep it upbeat and positive. I decided on both, so I'm warning you right now, this is going to be a long one lol. I won't be offended if nobody reads the whole thing

For years, I hated the fact that I smoked. My first "real" quit was in 1991, when I quit for several months (I'm really not sure now how long it was). Then I quit drinking, and the first time I had a fight with my partner after I quit drinking, I picked up a smoke. It wasn't long before I was back to a pack a day. I planned to quit again from that point on, but 12 years went by and I went on smoking. I hated the hold cigarettes had on me. I made a few half-hearted attempts, but nothing that lasted past a few hours. In early 2003, the desire to quit got really strong. But I was scared. I took a "quit smoking" course, but the fear of living without a crutch kept me from setting and keeping a quit date (what if quitting smoking made me go back to drinking???). I talked to my doctor about quitting - she agreed that I needed to quit, but suggested that I wait until there was a bit less stress in my life, else I was setting myself up for failure (I was on a 6-week stress leave from work at the time).

Then, in the summer of 2003, after I had returned to work, the stress really started to pile up. My father attempted suicide. My partner and I got married (good stress, but stress nonetheless). My sister was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer. My mother-in-law was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and was given 6 months to live. She was 53 and had been smoking for about 40 years. As she lived alone, with very little support around her, my partner and I decided to bring her here to live with us, so we could take care of her. She moved in with us at the beginning of October. When I picked her up at the airport, I expected to see a dying woman, but she looked great. Besides getting tired easily, there were no outward signs that she was sick. We talked a lot, and one of the things she said was that if she had known 5, or 10, or 20, or 40 years ago that she would get lung cancer, she would have quit smoking for sure.

A couple of weeks later, we noticed that she was staggering occasionally when she walked, and she started getting really bad headaches. The doctor ordered a CT scan on her head, and found that she had over 50 tumors in her brain. Over 50! It's a wonder she could function at all. She was admitted to the hospital for radiation therapy to try to reduce the swelling in her brain, to make her more comfortable. After visiting her one day in the hospital, my partner and I were talking about what she had said about wishing she had quit. It struck us then how often people say "if I knew then what I know now...." We realized that this could be either of us at some point in the future, and therefore right now is our "then", and we know. No more excuses - we had to quit, and we had to do it now. I went to the pharmacy and bought some patches. We decided to finish the cigarettes we had, and then we would quit.

On Tuesday, November 11, I had the day off work for Remembrance Day. We went to the hospital to visit my mother-in-law and on the way home, at 2pm, we smoked our last cigarettes and put on the patches. Yikes! We had really quit smoking. When I told friends and colleagues that we had quit, most of them thought we were crazy to do this right now, and nobody expected either of us to make it past a day or two. But it felt right, so we ignored what everyone was saying. Besides, watching a 53 year-old woman die is a pretty powerful motivator. Two days later she came home from the hospital. Our living room got turned into a hospital room. Our lives changed completely as we learned more about the process of dying than I ever wanted to know. She stayed with us until mid-December, at which point the deterioration of her mental and physical state due to the cancer in her brain made it impossible for us to continue to care for her. We admitted her into a palliative care hospital where she stayed for 3 weeks. She died on January 6, 2004 - 5 months after she was diagnosed.

And through all of that, we didn't smoke. As strange as it may sound, I honestly found that quitting smoking relieved some of the stress we were under. I no longer had to live with the knowledge that I was killing myself with every puff. I no longer had to worry if this would be the cigarette that gave me cancer. I no longer had to be embarrassed by smoking outside of the hospital before and after visiting a loved one dying of lung cancer. I could feel my body healing every day. Focusing on my quit helped me deal with the stress of palliative care.

Now, onto the upbeat and positive part of my ramble that I promised at the beginning .

I discovered Blairsville on day 8 of my quit. I was at work, going completely nuts. I tried calling a close friend, who is an ex-smoker, to hear words of encouragement, but she was in an all-day meeting and wasn't available. I ate lunch at my desk and did a search on the net. I came upon Blairsville. I spent the next couple of hours reading, reading, reading (I wasn't very productive at work, needless to say!). The support and encouragement I read here, though not directed at me, was exactly what I needed to hear. It got me through the day. Blairsville became my lifeline. I read every post, multiple times. I read old posts. I read everything at Bob's Place, and the fogey pages. The things I read became my mantras: "It CAN be done", "It WILL get easier", "I'd rather be an ex-smoker with an occasional desire to smoke, than a smoker with a constant desire to quit", "It's easier to stay quit than to start over", "Nobody ever died from a craving". That last one really hit me, as I was watching someone dying from smoking.

I started to believe what I read. I believed that things would get better, and they did. I believed that I could do this, and I did. When things got rough (and they did!), I told myself that smoking was not an option, because I don't smoke anymore. And after a while, I even started to believe it. When I had cravings, I welcomed them as signs that my body was getting used to life without nicotine. When I needed help, I posted at Blairsville and was so overwhelmed by the love and support and encouragement and understanding that I knew I could do it. I couldn't control the pain and suffering of my mother-in-law, but I sure could control whether or not I smoked. I chose to stay focused on the positive things, and that got me through.

Instead of thinking about what I had "given up", I chose instead to focus on what I had gained. A couple of weeks into my quit, I started a daily list of reasons why I was glad I quit smoking. I added to it every day for 3 weeks, and then occasionally when something struck me. I decided back then that I would use this as part of my ramble (because I knew there would be one!)

Daily reason why I'm glad I quit smoking:
1) !t's snowing and windy and cold and miserable outside - and I don't have to be out there just to feed my addiction!
2) I can watch an entire movie without having to take a smoke break.
3) I can wear my beautiful grey suit to work - the one I rarely wore because it doesn't have pockets to carry my smokes in.
4) Money lasts a lot longer when I'm not shelling out $8.00 per day for the privilege of killing myself.
5) Doing laundry is a bit less of a chore, because sheets fresh out of the dryer just smell so darn good.
6) I love looking in the mirror and noticing, sometimes with surprise, how white my teeth are.
7) I no longer have to make excuses for why I have not yet quit smoking.
8) I can play with my dog longer without getting out of breath. And when I do get out of breath, I can catch it much quicker (hmmm, is that 2 reasons?)
9) I can stay curled up in bed longer in the morning since my body is no longer screaming at me to get up right away to smoke.
10) I no longer spend my first 10 minutes in bed at night coughing.
11) I can buy myself a present, guilt-free.
12) If I smoked, I'd have nothing to celebrate today! (written on my 1 month anniversary)
13) When I see people standing outside the hospital smoking, I'm glad it isn't me looking that ridiculous.
14) I don't stink - my breath doesn't stink, my hands don't stink, my hair doesn't stink, my clothes don't stink - and I like not stinking.
15) I do NOT want to die of that damn disease.
16) For the first time in my life, I'm really DEALING with stress, and not just hoping it will go away by drowning it or lighting it - because neither of those work.
17) I can take the stairs at work without needing 10 minutes afterwards to recover
18) I no longer gag in the mornings, something I never associated with smoking, but has disappeared since I quit.
19) Really good food tastes so very good.
20) I have noticeably more energy than when I smoked.
21) I no longer have to schedule my day to make sure I have time for smoke breaks
22) Long flights are so much more bearable without nicotine cravings
23) I no longer have cravings every time I go more than an hour without feeding my addiction
24) I can enjoy a nice conversation after a meal, instead of rushing outside to smoke
25) It's nice to enter my 40s as an ex-smoker! (written on my 40th birthday)
26) My skin looks clearer and less gray
27) I no longer have pockets full of tobacco bits
28) I don't have to clean ashtrays anymore
29) I can breathe on hot muggy days, and on bitterly cold days, and on every type of day in between
30) I love being able to tell people "I smoked for 27 years, but I quit"
31) I get way fewer headaches than I used to
32) I can breathe out of both nostrils
33) I can laugh really hard without it turning into a cough
34) I've met so many wonderful people at Blairsville that I never would have met if I hadn't quit smoking
35) I'm so incredibly proud of both of us!

Since January, the stress in my life has diminished drastically. Oh, there are still stresses, but not overwhelming ones like that. I'm enjoying life, and enjoying the freedom that comes from not having my life dictated by an addiction. On the (now rare) occasions where I think I need a smoke, I tell myself that if I could get through those early months without smoking, surely I can get through anything. Smoking is just not an option anymore!

I am so thrilled to be hitting the one year mark, and thanks to all of you for being on this journey with me. I have learned from, and been inspired by, each and every one of you. I have appreciated the laughs, the tears, the celebrations and the struggles. I have met so many wonderful people here, and I feel blessed to know you all! Through BV I met my QB (((((Carla))))) who will reach the porch one week from today. Although Carla isn't around BV much any more, we email and call each other regularly, and I know that for the rest of my life, I will never have even one puff without clearing it with Carla first, because that's the deal we made - and I'm a woman of my word!!

There's so much more I could say, and so many individual people I could thank, but I think I'll stop here. If I try to express how much each of you means to me, I'm afraid I'd push Marsha out of the honour of the longest ramble ever - and I wouldn't want to do that . Suffice it to say that there is not one person here who hasn't touched me in some way. And my countdown over the past two weeks has made me feel so special. Thanks to all of you

I do have one person I just have to mention before I close, though - my partner, Sylvia, who is also a fogey today. We did this together, and I'm really proud of her!

Love to you all - and remember.... it CAN be done, and it DOES get easier!

Hugs,

Leanne

Carla D.
Quit Smoking 11-18-03

Wow. I don't know where to start! I remember finding Blairsville and reading about these "Fogey" people. I never thought that one day it would be ME. I don't even remember what prompted me to quit smoking last Nov 18th. I must of had another one of my many bouts of bronchitis. Normally I would "quit" smoking, but once I started feeling better I would light up again. But this time, what kept me from going back was finding Blairsville. I came here faithfully, every day, 10 times a day, and the support I received could of very well saved my life. I spoke to people who quit too late and had smoking related diseases, some terminal. I did not want to be one of those people. Their stories inspired me to stay quit. So here I am today.....one year with not even one puff. Thank you Blairsville.

So let me tell you some of the events and changes that happened to me as a result of quitting this nasty habit. I guess I have an addictive personality because when I gave up smoking, I took up chocolate. Yes, I HAD to have chocolate every day, and lots of it. This lasted until I met Dan R. He introduced me to a healthy lifestyle of diet and exercise, and next thing I knew, I lost 20 pounds! And to this day, I have kept that 20 pounds off. Thank you Dan.

I think smoking used to mask many of my feelings. When I was stressed, angry, sad, .....I smoked. Now I have to DEAL with life. I never had to do that before....I was protected by that smoke screen. I have discovered what a strong person I am. In the last year I have gone through some of the most stressful situations I will ever encounter, and I didn't need a cigarette to get me through it. I have the huge responsibility of looking after my 84 and 86 year old aunt and uncle and they recently had to be placed in a seniors home, I have had 2 major surgeries, I have moved after living in the same home for 15 years, and I have quit my job. (ok, quitting my job was a good thing) During some stressful moments, I would occasionally have the nicodemon visit, but I would kick his butt and win the battle every time. And every win made me stronger and stronger.

During this last year, I had the fortune of finding myself a true quit buddy. Leanne C and I hit it off, and did alot of venting to each other during our quits, by email and over the phone. We have a deal that we can't have a smoke without getting the others' approval. I don't think she will ever give me the OK.

I always said that if I quit smoking, I wouldn't become one of "those" people who preached non smoking and such. Well, I was wrong. I cannot STAND the smell of a cigarette. There is NOBODY allowed to smoke in my home, my cottage or my vehicles. I have struggled for a year to clean up my lungs, and that will be the day that I suck in someone else's poison. I can't even stand walking by the smoker's outside of the Walmart doors. Yuck! When I see someone smoking, I really feel sorry for them. I think "do they realize what they are doing to themselves?"

I was just going to say "sorry for rambling"....but then I realized that I'm ALLOWED to ramble today!

I am totally enjoying this new life as a non smoker. I am so much more relaxed than I used to be. I don't have to find 25 times during the day to have a cigarette. Do you know it takes an average of 7 minutes to smoke a cigarette. At 25 cigs a day, it works out to just under 3 hours a day spent sucking on a death stick. I can do ALOT in 3 hours!

Well, I think I just about covered everything I wanted to say. I pray for all you newbies, that you find the strength to stay quit. You will love your new life.

God bless all of you.

Carla
xo

Bonnie
Quit Smoking 11-19-03

First i want to thank everyone for their congratulations for me on Nov. 19th when i turned my 1 year mark and made it to the "porch"..I will just have to find a rocking chair"!.

I am sorry i was not here that day but between having computer troubles and being sick, i was just not able to. But when i did get in here and saw my name and all the congrats, i burst into tears. I was just so proud of my accomplishment in quitting smoking.

A little over a year ago on Aug 6, my daddy died of lung cancer. That should have made me quit right there but i didn't. Then the DR told me i had to have back surgery in Dec. and that if i wanted to heal good, i needed to quit smoking. So the day after my Nov. 18 birthday, I laid my cigarettes down and never picked them up again.I wore the patch for the first day, but decided if i am going to quit, i don't need to keep putting anything in my body. So it was cold turkey all the way.
There are days when i really want a cigarette, but i have a talk with myself, and i remember how much I used to cough, especially in the morning. How often i used to get Bronchitis. How nasty i smelled and i always thought i was hiding it with hand-lotion. What a fool I was. And how bad my breath was with smoking. How i huffed and puffed just going to the mailbox and back. Anyway, the feeling of wanting a cigarette does not last long, when i see how much the pros outway the cons!...

My best friend died unexpectedly a month ago and this has been one of the worst times of my life. I was so mad, i thought, the DR's told her to quit and she did but she died anyway. I almost picked up the habit again. But i knew it would not bring her back. So i think i can safely say I will not pick up the habit again. Life is so much nicer without it.

I don't post too much but i do try and keep up with reading everyone's post and I feel like i know a lot of you. Thanks for all the support you give to me and each other.

Here is working on year 2!....

thank you all...
Luv
Bonnie