Charlene
"Old Fogey4"
I guess the best place to start is in the beginning. OK; In the beginning God created hea... no, no, that's the wrong beginning.
I don't know what to write, my mind is a jumble of feelings today. I thought about going and rereading what others had written and then decided against it, after all, this is MY ramble. LOL. I guess I will just go for it!
About the middle of February 1999 I set my quit date as March 18, 1999. Quitting smoking is the last thing I wanted to do but I knew that I was just pressing my luck. I had just turned 46 and had been smoking the majority of the years since I first lit up at the drive-in movie when I was 16.
I was a real fool, I knew that quitting would be difficult but in my nicotine fried brain I thought that if I could make it through a couple of days that all would be fine. I wanted to get away to quit so I reserved a hotel room in Austin. My thoughts were that I would just go to the hotel, enjoy the sauna (sweat out the impurities), enjoy the pool, etc. and quit. :-) Then, I would go home and all would be fine. How I could think that after many failed attempts is beyond me! Well, I am not gonna go into the details, but suffice to say, that is not how things went. In the first place there was a "people with stomas American Cancer Society" convention at that hotel on the exact days I had reserved. Boy did that strengthen my resolve! In the second place, I crumbled. I couldn't even stay the 3 days I had reserved. I left at first light after a sleepless night of laying in the fetal position and bawling.
I drove home and straight to my doctor, got a Nicotrol Inhaler and went home to the computer. That is when I found Blairsville and I thank God that I did find Blairsville that day. Blairsville not only saved my quit; it has saved my life. I don't remember what I said in my first post, but I do remember the replies. The first to reply was Rob, who was soon to celebrate 11 months, and I was in awe of him. Then many others replied with words of welcome and encouragement. I remember sitting and crying because maybe there was hope. There are so many people who have held me steadfast, to each of you please know how much I love you and appreciate you.
I think I spent 24/7 at my computer for the next few weeks, reading and posting. The first thing I learned was that I had a lot to learn! You guys know how it is, if there was something on television about smoking, I changed the channel. If there was an article in the newspaper or magazine, I did not read it. In my sick mind, I did not want to know. So, all of a sudden, I had MUCH to learn. I NEEDED to learn all I could about this horrible addiction, MY addiction. I think, second to the support and love of Blairsville, that learning and educating myself about the nicotine addiction has been my strength.
Through the past year there have been some major things happen in my life and the lives of those I cherish. Some of them have been wonderful and some of them have been very bad or sad (or both). It is with the support of Blairsville that I have been able to hang on to my quit. To the Citizens of Blairsville and to our Honorable Mayor, I want you to know that I love you and that I thank you with all my heart. I am all choked up; there are absolutely no words to describe the swelling that I feel in my heart right now. It is because of all of you that I can write this Ramble today. This is not MY year's ramble; this is OUR year's ramble.
There is one thing that I have gained from this quit that I never expected, and that is self-esteem and strength. I have just recently opened my own business, I really don't think it would have happened if I were still smoking. I think, that in quitting, we are each doing something that requires a deep strength, and, also, we are doing something that causes our strength to grow daily. Just as we fed our addiction constantly with each puff, we are also feeding our strength and resolve with each smoke not taken. It really is a good feeling.
I wish I had some profound words of wisdom to share with our newbies today, but I don't. I think we each have to find our own way. Just take it a little bit at a time. Don't set your sites on a month, 6 months, or a year. Just take it in baby steps and the time will sneak up on you, I promise. Be strong for the moment, don't make it more difficult by worrying about tomorrow. I wish each of you the very best. Quitting smoking has changed my life and I pray that each person reading this today will be able to quit and the maintain that quit forever.
Editor's note And what words could be more profound?
It is with love and happiness that I submit my ramble today,
Charlene
I’ve been looking forward to this day for some time now. What I didn’t expect were the tears that showed up when I saw my 3 year quit in print inside Becca’s daily post. Reaching one year was awesome, two years kind of slipped by quickly, but this third year means the very most. I guess it is because I’ve really had to fight to hang on to my quit this year. Things have happened that have almost made me succumb to the nicodemon’s ever-present tease, but, by grace, I have managed to hold steadfast.
Looking back, I shudder. I had such a horrible addiction. I had smoked for over 30 years and when I quit I was at 2 (and sometimes even 3) packs a day. I felt totally out of control, lost, desperate, sick, and very fearful. I thought I could do it on my own, but I was falling fast, and before my quit was even one day old I ran to the computer and for help. I typed the words quit smoking and fell right into Blairsville and it’s angels. I parked my butt right here, Blairsville was a Godsend.
Blair, I am wiping tears as I look back at the past 3 years of freedom. I cannot begin to thank you enough for your kindness, your support, and for Blairsville. I salute you, our fearless leader! I salute each and every fearless Blairsville quitter. We’ve done it, we are doing it, and we will continue to do it! We are beating this addiction and we are KICKING FAT-BOY BUTT!
I thank my mentors and I thank everyone along the way for the support, friendship, and love. I love you, Blairsville Quitters.
First, and most important, quit and stay quit. It's hard, yes. It's very hard some times. But it's been my experience in life that smoking will kill you. I have some history with that: father (Pall Mall straights) died of lung cancer when I was 12, he was 58; mother died of a stroke / congestive heart failure in 1990 (Old Gold filters, then generics); an aunt and an uncle both died of emphysema (both smoked); lots of other miscellaneous heart attacks & strokes by other aunts & uncles (all who smoked). So I quit. I promised myself I wouldn't smoke by the time I was 30 - well, that passed me by in a hurry. So I made the same promise for when I was 40 - and stuck to it.
It was a devastating quit for me because it also unmasked a medical problem I had. After I had quit, I was very achey and tired, and had gained about 15 pounds. My doctor attributed everything to my quit and weight gain and said to wait. By July 20, a full 3 months into my quit, I could not concentrate, had slurred speech, swollen face and muscle pain. I was tested for a stroke, and we discovered that I was severely hypothyroid. All this time, I thought what I was going through was a result of quitting smoking - the nicodemon at his worst! Well, needless to say, as badly as I wanted a cigarette sometimes, I knew that I NEVER wanted to go through THAT again! Now I laugh when I saw what I went through and my reaction. But that shows what true determination can do for you - keep your eyes on the prize, and you'll be amazed at what you can endure.
Now take a look at the picture on the right. 
I truly believe one of the main reasons I have stayed quit this long is because of Blairsville. When I quit before I tried many different aids: gum, patches, cold turkey, even acupuncture - but it didn't help. This time, I was determined to quit and to get serious help. I got Zyban and found this board. While there were times I thought I would crumble, the people in Blairsville would never let me fall. They just propped me up, walked with me a while, then sent me on my way again. The success of my quit belongs as much to this board as it does to me. I can't thank all of you enough for being there for me.
My one regret in my quit is that I waited until my kids were almost out of the nest before I did it. If there is anything I can pass to the new quitters who are waivering, and have kids at home, please, quit for them. You don't know how much it really means to them. And if you're like me, you want to be around to walk them down the aisle, or when they graduate, or when you get that first grandchild.
Below you will see the people from Blairsville, sitting in the audience during "commencement". I probably should have something with Blair giving me a sheepskin, but I am somewhat graphically challenged (lol). While there really is no order to this crowd, please note that in the front row are some very special people for me. They are Vickie, Trisha, Denise, Katie and Aoidin. Now there are so many of the Blairsville people I could mention for their help, and you all share in my success. But it is these five who at one point or another have given me that extra push, the focus on the goal, to stay with my quit. I'll bet they didn't even know they did it. My lifelong thanks to each of you.
And again, to the people of Blairsville, my heartfelt thanks as well. We have a community that is changing lives every day - one day at a time. We're good people helping other good people break a bad habit and hopefully add to the quality of their lives, and we are succeeding. My prayer is that each and everyone of you successfully stays away from nicotine, and has a wonderful, long life. I love you all.
Mike
Quit April 19, 1999 at age 39 after smoking for 24 years
Hello Family
I call you family because that is exactly what you are to me.
Now it is about time for me to get down to my one year ramble, seeing that I am almost two months past. There is a reason why I am late with this - I was not having a good day on the date of my one year anniversary. You see even after all this time, I sometimes feel sad and anxious and I long for the relief that I used to get from my old 'serial killer friend'. Fortunately those feelings are becoming weaker and farther apart as time passes. It is my belief that they will slowly fade away.
There is so much more to my addiction than just smoking. At an early age I discovered that I could avoid the responsibilities of life, and of experiencing my feelings. Fears, lonelyness, anger, grief - all I needed was my cigarettes and I could get through anything. When it comes to supressing feelings and emotions, nicotine was my WONDER DRUG. The day I started smoking, my emotional growth stopped. Fueled by fears, low self-esteem and various forms of insecurity, it did not take long for me to become addicted to this powerful drug. Cigarettes became my master. Smoking was NOT MY PROBLEM - smoking was MY SOLUTION.!
There were many attempts to quit over the years. The end result was always the same - When life overwhelmed me (and it always did), I went back to smoking. This was very perplexing because in many areas of my life, I felt very strong-willed. However, when it came to my smoking, I had no control. As time went on, I started experiencing physical symptoms from my smoking. Problems with breathing and circulation really had me worried. I still could not quit smoking. I had resolved that I would die from smoking, just like my father before me. My self-esteem went way down and when I would look in the mirror - I SAW A LOSER. I understand now - all smokers know about low self-esteem.
Then one day (April 25, 1999) the miracle happened. I was sitting on my computer, feeling sorry for myself and thinking about how I could not quit smoking. I was rearranging my bookmarks and I came upon a quit smoking site that I had previously bookmarked. I must have surfed on it at one time and set the bookmark. Well I clicked on it and arrived in Blairsville. I read some of the posts and for the first time in my life, I typed a post and sent my cry for help into cyberspace. Then came the miracle - God was there for me and sent the the 'Blairsvile Angels' to get me started in my quit. I HAVE NOT HAD ONE PUFF SINCE.
We each have our individual load that we carry in life. Through one painful experience after another, I am gradually being changed into a better person, free from the chains that have bound me all my life. I am beginning to see the roots of my addiction. The excess baggage I have collected over the years is slowly being left behind and the weight is being replaced with hope for the future, a sense of freedom and brief moments of joy.
I have to mention this. Material gains are low on my list of benefits. However, when I smoked, I never thought much about the dollar cost. My quit meter tells me that at $10.00/day (cdn) I saved $3,650.00 (cdn) in one year. So I broke into the quit meter, took out the money and paid for my new riding mower in full.
Editor's note--Sorry, I had to remove the photo of Bob's mower!!
Bob's 2 year "ramble"
Good day Family,
I remember when I first came to Blairsville it as though it just happened yesterday.
It was two years ago today, April 25, 1999 and I had been away on vacation for a
good part of the winter - a wonderful trip that included time in Mexico, Costa Rica,
Cuba, and back to Mexico before returning home to Canada. There was one problem
that put a damper on the trip - I was feeling sick the entire time I was away. Deep
down I knew what it was - it was the smoking. Forty years of smoking was finally
catching up with me. I had no energy, couldn’t breathe properly and couldn’t sleep
at night. I suffered from nausea and generally felt terrible. I was so addicted, I can
remember getting up several times in the night, standing at the hotel window and
chain smoking - just trying to get enough nicotine in me to reach my comfort level.
I now see what was happening - I had reached the saturation point and nicotine was
no longer providing the comfort I was seeking.
After returning home, I remained sick and made several attempts to quit, usually lasting
no more than a few hours. I became desperate - This stuff was killing me, I knew it and I
still couldn’t quit. My mind recalled memories of my father and his oxygen bottle going
with him everywhere. Thoughts of how smoking was killing me took over my mind - I could
think of little else. I prayed for help but didn’t think God was listening to me anymore. I was
hopelessly addicted and I would die a smoker.
One Sunday afternoon, I was on my computer rearranging bookmarks and trying to think of
something besides my smoking dilemma and I noticed a site called quitsmokingsupport.com.
I vaguely remembered having visited the site at one time and must have bookmarked it for
future reference. I clicked on the link and started reading posts.
I could scarcely believe what I was reading. There were people like myself, long time smokers
who had actually quit and were staying quit through the support of their peers on this site.
From somewhere came a faint spark of hope - maybe, just maybe I could learn how to quit
smoking. I then did something I had never done in my life - I made a post. I can’t remember
what it said but I know it was not much - just a cry for help. Within minutes, in true Blairsville
style, I had several replies. Well this was at 2:30 in the afternoon and I stayed in Blairsville until
late at night. When I finally turned off the computer to go to bed I realized something - I hadn’t
had a cigarette the whole time. To this day I have not had as much as one puff! That was my first
quit smoking miracle and the beginning of my journey to freedom.
I will spare you the details of my own personal roller coaster ride through hell. It was no fun and it
seemed to go on for a long time. I NEVER want to do anything like that again. Nicotine Anonymous
refers to the “treacherous curves of craving, emotionality, turmoil and unmanageability” and I
understand what that means. Surely God was with me all the way or I never could have made it.
Today I am filled with feelings of gratitude for having been shown how to quit smoking and stay quit.
The people of Blairsville have always been here for me through my entire quit. When times were really
tough, Blairsville always came to the rescue. During some rough spells I received e-mails and telephone
calls from all over North America. I will NEVER forget the outpouring of pure spirit. During my tenure in
Blairsville I have also had the great honour of making many close friendships and of meeting several of
our citizens in person. What a joy that has been to me.
Some recommendations for newbies or anyone suffering in their quit, believe me when I say that
IT WILL GET BETTER! Our nervous systems and brains often go into short-circuit mode
when we cut off the supply of nicotine. This is a TEMPORARY CONDITION and you will recover.
It takes time - Some of us recover quickly and others more slowly. Be totally committed and be
prepared to go to any length to not smoke for today. Try and practice patience and be content with
small progress as time passes. Know WITHOUT DOUBT that life will return to you better than ever.
Also I recommend you let go of any residual pride and lean on others for support. Quitting smoking
is not something to do alone. Together we can do it. I know those are difficult recommendations
but they are do-able.
Blairsville - You are AWESOME! - I love you.
Well it is now official - I have gone two years without a puff. That is no small miracle.
Your friend - Bob
Smoked 40 years - Now quit for: 2 Years. I have NOT smoked 29,240 cigarettes,
for a savings of $7,310.00 (Canadian).