Just to butcher Shakespeare a little bit, "So let it be with Fogeys."

Probably a lot of us have figured reaching Fogey status to be an end, a goal, an achievement in itself. I've changed my thinking on that the past few months. I now see it as a commencement. We haven't won a victory, we're not finished with the job, we've only reached a measureable landmark. We have (hopefully) attained the basic knowledge, skills and tools to go through a smoke-free life. A beginning.

We have battled with the NicoDemon virtually hundreds or thousands of times. If we don't know ALL of his wiles and tricks, we sure do know most of 'em by now. We know how he works. We know how he will sit on our shoulders and nag at us like some malicious wife from hell in a TV sitcom. We know his favorite technique is to fight the hardest when he senses that we are at our weakest. And we know that even if we have no strength left at all, we can win if we just think in our head, "NO!" Easy? Absolutely not. But it's effective. It works.

Now I want to give Blairsville -- and most especially those who are struggling -- the best possible gift that I can. It's something I wrote a while back, and it's been posted (and revised) a couple of times already. This is my legacy to Blairsville. And if it helps only just ONE person, I'll feel that I've done something good with my life. And I'll be thankful for that.

Blairsville, I love you. Thanks for giving me a hand when I needed one, a shoulder when I needed one, an ear when I needed one; the hugs, the kisses, your patience and understanding, and the strength and encouragement to stay on course. I'm gonna keep the crutches you gave me, just in case I need them again sometime ....

With that, I leave you with these thoughts:

I remember watching Yul Brynner on TV many years ago, saying "I'm dying ..... please don't smoke." And I sat there, puffing away and thinking, "That's you, pal, not me!" Guess what. Now I'm saying the same words.

How many times have I told my friends and relatives, "We're all gonna die anyway, so what's the difference?" The difference is: it can be fast or slow, it can be easy or painful. It can be earlier rather than later. Not just life itself, but also the quality of life, factor in here. I never knew that .... or considered it.

So yeah, I'm echoing Yul Brynner now. I'm dying. It may be one year, it may be five ... who knows? It's pretty certain that I'll never see my daughter married, I'll never see a grandchild. And being a wild and rebellious 16, she hates me now. She will love me when my ashes are scattered to the wind. What a shame. The thought brings tears to my eyes.

Just a few years ago, I was in my prime, fighting in karate tournaments (and kicking ass), enjoying physical activities of all types. But it's now gotten to the point where sometimes I get winded just by adjusting my position in bed at night. All this just since the summer of 2002. I'll never again fight, fish, camp, ski, or any of the things that used to make life enjoyable. It doesn't take too much imagination to figure out that there's one other enjoyable activity that I'll never again experience either.

We all know that smoking is an expensive habit. But its real cost only BEGINS at the checkout counter.

I'm now on a nebulizer (including steroids) and on oxygen 24/7. I have a handicapped parking placard (the one benefit of filling my lungs with poison). I just gave up a 36-year career (at half my salary) because I couldn't handle the job any more (at the tender age of 56). I don't know how I'll be able to make ends meet, especially with ever-increasing medical costs. And even being retired, I get further behind in my housework every single day.

Emphysema is typically accompanied by one or more of the following: depression, anxiety, fatigue, lethargy, problems sleeping, etc. And the shortness of breath often precludes victims from exercising or leading active social lives. Trust me. You don't want a life like this.

And guess what? By the time it's diagnosed, you have ALREADY lost 50-70% of your lung tissue! Is it too late for you? Who knows? But if you continue smoking, it sure as hell is ...

Okay, you guys and gals, I know very well that "it don't come easy." But my God, you may not fully realize the future that awaits you. It's much worse, much more painful, much more difficult than giving up those smokes. You are not Superman, you are not invincible, it will inevitably make you wonder why you were so f**king stupid.

Please. Do yourself a huge favor. Go through a little discomfort now, and save yourself from years of agony. I would gladly give up one or two of my body parts to get my breath back again (I mean that).

Now do me a favor. Do not respond offering sympathy, etc. I don't want it, don't need it. This is the result of my own stupidity. I've made my bed, now I'm sleeping in it. I will deal with anything that comes my way. Just know that your love is appreciated, and I love all of you back. That's all that needs be said.

PLEASE .... PLEASE .... DON'T SMOKE. I'm not saying all this for my benefit. I'm saying it for yours .....

When I joined here there already was a famous Bob and I could never stand in his shoes and so HB (my IRC nickname) joined Blairsville.

The Facts
After a year only about 4% of smokers who quit without any outside help succeed. Cold Turkey is the hardest way to quit smoking but the most often tried.

If cold Turkey is so hard and so ineffective ... why did I try it this time around and why on earth am I still not smoking?

My History :) sorry not a normal ramble but I do things my way :)

As a child my Dad was the only smoker in the family. Until the age of 17 I was a confirmed "thou shalt not smoke" addict.... I wish I had remained that way for the rest of my life.... Even University encouraged folks to smoke and relax ... and I did that in abundance...

In 1993 I left the Royal Navy, as a smoking man at the end of a long and wonderfully enjoyable life in the service. Free tobacco coupons every month and tax free smokes, allowed encouraged and made it acceptable to smoke. I became a prison education manager, that same year, and the prison population encouraged the use of tobacco not only to smoke but as a trading commodity as well.

In 1995 I lost my father to a smoking related disease and in the next two years I quit a million times at least until in 1996 I stopped with the aid of 24hr patches and a lot of help and support from friends and believe it or not the prisoners I was teaching. That quit lasted until I saw my mother cremated. I cracked and allowed ~Nicodemus~ back in my life that horrid day. Smoking was acceptable again and I didn’t try to stop smoking any more. What was the point... something was going to kill me ... it may as well be something I enjoyed.

Just before Christmas 2002 I was suffering pains in my chest that traveled down my left arm ... I called out the doc .... He tested and prodded and eventually smiled.... even at 2 am in the morning he told me my heart was fine and the problem was probably digestion related .... Sheer terror had welled through me and rotted my mind.... Extensive tests, still smoking, long hospital visits, and many sleepless nights later, I was told about a digestive disorder that I live with for ever now and that has symptoms real close to those of a heart attack....

I never have made a New Years Resolution and last year was no different ... but during February 2003 I was told to go look at Blairsville by a friend that had heard about its wonderful record...

Scared to go on killing myself and scared to stop, suddenly there were thousands of people all posting about how I felt and how I could quit if I wanted to ... how did they know how I felt ... how could they ever understand how it was for me ... suddenly the penny dropped and I smiled and realised their strength and depth of knowledge was there because they too were trying to kill the weed, before it killed them....

On 22nd February 2003 at 9pm I stopped smoking. It was a Saturday night and I was online chatting to friends on IRC and suddenly knew that I didn’t want to smoke anymore. I took all my tobacco and lighters and ash trays, except my father yellow glass one, and water logged the lot and threw it all out of the back door. The yellow glass ashtray, still ash bound and smelly is in one of my desk draws ...a reminder of the days that were killing me.

I stayed close to Blairsville for the first month, all the help and support flowed through me . So many folks too many to mention individually ... I never did get close enough to many to call them friends.. But there are a few that touched me and I hope I touched them back ... but of all of them I must surely mention two that have kept me coming back ....

Webskipper ... three weeks ahead of me and a constant on the board.. Sound words and a morale builder too .. Don’t you love them flags …Thanks Matey

Lola .... A very senior member of the board, in my eyes, when I joined ... over 2 months under her belt and always there to pat my dog ...and send welcome hugs and support. Gracias mi camarada, my Spanish is awful I know ...

I don’t visit the board as much as others now because thinking and talking about withdrawal and symptoms constantly remind me of the dreaded weed and for me at present I don’t want that ... I do still spend a little while each week here and in that time I see so many others that are also on the brink of something wonderful ....

I promised myself that I would never do a ramble and would politely ask Tommyboy not to notice ..but telling my tale and sharing my experiences, in my way, may just help some one, one day to make a decision to save their life.

Only in ourselves can we make the decision to stop smoking but only with others will we succeed

Taking every step along this journey, one day and one breath at a time I am privileged to know you all and privileged to share this magickal place ....